On a Personal Note: Things I learned.

In the course of our lives, we continually learn new things. We grow and develop and add knowledge to our ever-increasing store. I offer here a few things I have learned in the past few weeks so that you may also benefit from them.

  • Even with the best will in the world, it is not possible to make a single banana split last thirty minutes.
  • Equal opportunities is probably to blame for local public transport authorities employing ticket inspectors who cannot read.
  • Given three contradictory answers to a simple question, the correct answer will turn out to be the most inconvenient one for you.
  • The evening before a very important meeting or interview, you will find yourself eating something that contains large amounts of garlic.
  • Cellars contain dead spiders that get attached to the back of your wife’s shirt.
  • Going to a highly-praised restaurant on the day it just happens to be closed is the surest way to work up an appetite.
  • No matter who you are or what you do, somebody somewhere thinks you’re an insufferable smarty-pants.
  • You know you’re getting old when you pull a muscle playing pool.
  • Just when you’ve started making enough money to be able to put some aside, the government comes up with a new way of taking it away from you.
  • A true man requires at least one of the following: a lawn-mower, a chainsaw, a cement mixer or an electric drill.
  • When you are sitting on a train and suddenly have a brilliant idea, the act of finding a piece of paper and a pen will ensure you forget it almost immediately.
  • Spring is what makes you want to sit in the beer garden, and insects want to drown in your cider.
  • When you finally get around to throwing away the print-out of something you worked on six months ago and which has since been lying around uselessly taking up valuable space, you will do so a mere week before you discover you need them again after all.
  • Getting lost without a map is the most agreeable way to explore the countryside, because you get to see places you would otherwise have missed.
  • It’s true that German pedestrians will wait for half an hour at traffic lights that aren’t working, waiting for the green man.

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